review

Paint it Red

2019 Mazda MX-5 RF Club Edition

“There isn’t a car that’s had more content on our page than the MX-5. And because we are the most thorough outfit in the country, it is our job to bombard you with as much information on it so that you can make the right choice. What I just said is a load of crap. We are the least thorough, and if I’m honest, the main reason that so much has been written about the MX-5 is because it is categorically lovely.”

Paint it Red

No Summer Fling

2017 Lotus Evora 400

“Soon, no one will want to buy a car. The automobile as we know it is on its last hurrah before they turn into soulless autonomous driving pods, but before they fade out like the romance of a midsummer fling, they will first burn just as bright.”  

No Summer Fling

Crown Jewel

2019 Rolls-Royce Cullinan

“The Cullinan is unlike any other vehicle I've driven. It allows me to experience the world around me in the lap of utmost intoxicating luxury in weather and terrains where the Phantom and the Ghost would have to turn around.”

Crown Jewel

Black Serotonin

2019 Nissan GT-R

“I get the privilege of driving some of the best supercars in the country, yet nothing tucks my tail in between my legs more than Godzilla. Its ability to leap from standstill is incredible. The only thing faster is teleportation, and scientists haven’t quite worked that out yet.”

Black Serotonin

Psychedelic Lover

2019 MINI Cooper S

“I’ve never driven any mainstream road car that warranted such an outpouring of affection from all demographics of people. Not ever. It was like I was zipping about in a reincarnated blend of Jesus Christ and Princess Diana.”

Psychedelic Lover

Hot Rod Hearts

2019 Ford Mustang GT Premium Convertible

“For you technical people that get turned on with data, this car wallows and flexes more than the neighborhood gym trainer — but I don’t care. Trust me, you wouldn’t too. Not when you have a galaxy of stars as your roof and an exhaust note that makes your female passengers beg to have your babies.”

Hot Rod Hearts

Apex Predator

2019 Aston Martin Vantage

“Everyone I took for a spin in the Vantage has ridden with me in the Nissan GT-R, and they all say that it feels just as rapid. The gears are much longer, so there’s a lot more foreplay with a bed of torque before it rips their organs into pieces.”

Apex Predator

Queen Sabine

2018 BMW 530d Luxury

“In the real world where all things are considered, the best car on sale today is the G30 BMW 5 Series. If you’re looking for the most value for money, that would be the 520d M Sport, and if you’re looking at the most performance for your money, that would be this one — the ultra exclusive but all-inclusive 530d Luxury.”

Queen Sabine

Slim Aarons

2018 Aston Martin DB11 V8

“Aston Martin has always defined the GT car, and the DB11 as it stands today, is peerless. I would love to drive it all the way to Subic for a weekend only to realize that I had left my overnight bag at home — so I can drive back down again.”

Slim Aarons

Self High Five

2018 BMW 520d M Sport

"The new BMW 5 Series, especially in M Sport bling, feels like you’ve gone for an evening swim alone in Balesin and then a tipsy Jessica Alba appears out of nowhere and skinny dips with you. It's a jackpot and a half — the return of Sheer Driving Pleasure."

Self High Five

High Breed

2018 Lexus LS 500 / LS500h

“The most enthralling experience of all is that of being completely detached from the outside world. It’s the kind of car that forces you to drive a touch more calmly. I am certain that my heart rate was lower than those beside me in traffic.”

High Breed

L'art de Vivre

2018 Peugeot 3008 2.0 BlueHDi GT Line

“The 3008 feels as if every single part that was put into it was made with the knowledge that it had to co-exist with other parts, and therefore all of them work in perfect harmony with each other — like a swinger party.”

L'art de Vivre

Blowout

2018 Audi A4 2.0 TDI

“Apparently, a tire blowout is listed as one of the biggest fears of highway drivers. They say that the lower your speed, the higher the chances of survival. A blowout at 60 km/h will be far less catastrophic than one at 150 km/h. More importantly, walking away from it at those speeds is considered a gift from God - one that I so gladly received.” 

Blowout

Get The F Out

2017 Lexus GS F

“If you were given thirty seconds to plot an escape destination in the nav system in exchange for your freedom - you wouldn’t make it. You wouldn’t even if they gave you two hours to do it. However, if you put your foot down, it won’t take ten seconds for your captors to beg for freedom.”

Get The F Out

X Factor

2018 BMW X3 xDrive20d M Sport

“I’ve never impressed more people with a stationary Bimmer than I have, this one. I could control the volume and take calls with nothing more than hand gestures. If you're having trouble getting laid, buy one of these.”

X Factor

Rated R

2018 Honda Civic Type R

“The saying that ‘you cannot really choose who you fall in love with’ has never been more true. I want to stab myself for falling for this hot hatch. The qualities that it possesses are, with a hand in my heart, everything that I love about driving.”

Rated R

Size Matters

2018 MINI Countryman D

“It possesses all that I love about the 3-door Cooper, but with limitless versatility. It is easily the second best car that the brand sells today, because its range of capabilities are vast. It’s a bit grown up, but it’s still got the psychedelic LSD funk that I love about the MINI brand.”

Size Matters

Wind of Neptune

2018 Maserati Levante Q4 GranSport

"The Levante has a mild-mannered engine, which I liken to a classical music concert. When you’re seated and enjoying the show, only those that really know are aware of the destructive power that lays beneath the gentle symphony serenading your ears."

Wind of Neptune

Silent Flamboyance

2018 Lexus RX 350 F Sport

"Anyone who will spend a decent amount of money on a sporty SUV does not want a sporty ride. They want something that irons out the bumps and not their teeth. It's a good thing that this Lexus rides on 100% full cream butter."

Silent Flamboyance

The Supercar

2018 Audi R8 V10 Plus

"It builds speed in an unbelievable manner that your senses disconnect from the rate at which things in front approach you. It's a stark contrast to the way a GT-R delivers its power, which is pretty much like getting kicked in the face."

The Supercar

How German?

2018 Porsche Macan 2.0

"There are few automobiles with the exception of sports cars that will make you come up with silly excuses just to go for another drive. The Macan is one of those, and I’m only talking about the base model."

How German?