“Soon, no one will want to buy a car. The automobile as we know it is on its last hurrah before they turn into soulless autonomous driving pods, but before they fade out like the romance of a midsummer fling, they will first burn just as bright.”
“The Cullinan is unlike any other vehicle I've driven. It allows me to experience the world around me in the lap of utmost intoxicating luxury in weather and terrains where the Phantom and the Ghost would have to turn around.”
“It’s like listening to someone else blast their music from another room. It doesn’t make you want to dance, and an Audi with an RS badge should make you want to get on top of a table and dance like you’re on your second dose of ecstasy.”
“I get the privilege of driving some of the best supercars in the country, yet nothing tucks my tail in between my legs more than Godzilla. Its ability to leap from standstill is incredible. The only thing faster is teleportation, and scientists haven’t quite worked that out yet.”
“I’ve never driven any mainstream road car that warranted such an outpouring of affection from all demographics of people. Not ever. It was like I was zipping about in a reincarnated blend of Jesus Christ and Princess Diana.”
“For you technical people that get turned on with data, this car wallows and flexes more than the neighborhood gym trainer — but I don’t care. Trust me, you wouldn’t too. Not when you have a galaxy of stars as your roof and an exhaust note that makes your female passengers beg to have your babies.”
“Everyone I took for a spin in the Vantage has ridden with me in the Nissan GT-R, and they all say that it feels just as rapid. The gears are much longer, so there’s a lot more foreplay with a bed of torque before it rips their organs into pieces.”
“In the real world where all things are considered, the best car on sale today is the G30 BMW 5 Series. If you’re looking for the most value for money, that would be the 520d M Sport, and if you’re looking at the most performance for your money, that would be this one — the ultra exclusive but all-inclusive 530d Luxury.”
“Aston Martin has always defined the GT car, and the DB11 as it stands today, is peerless. I would love to drive it all the way to Subic for a weekend only to realize that I had left my overnight bag at home — so I can drive back down again.”
"The new BMW 5 Series, especially in M Sport bling, feels like you’ve gone for an evening swim alone in Balesin and then a tipsy Jessica Alba appears out of nowhere and skinny dips with you. It's a jackpot and a half — the return of Sheer Driving Pleasure."
“The most enthralling experience of all is that of being completely detached from the outside world. It’s the kind of car that forces you to drive a touch more calmly. I am certain that my heart rate was lower than those beside me in traffic.”
“The 3008 feels as if every single part that was put into it was made with the knowledge that it had to co-exist with other parts, and therefore all of them work in perfect harmony with each other — like a swinger party.”
“Apparently, a tire blowout is listed as one of the biggest fears of highway drivers. They say that the lower your speed, the higher the chances of survival. A blowout at 60 km/h will be far less catastrophic than one at 150 km/h. More importantly, walking away from it at those speeds is considered a gift from God - one that I so gladly received.”
“If you were given thirty seconds to plot an escape destination in the nav system in exchange for your freedom - you wouldn’t make it. You wouldn’t even if they gave you two hours to do it. However, if you put your foot down, it won’t take ten seconds for your captors to beg for freedom.”
“I’ve never impressed more people with a stationary Bimmer than I have, this one. I could control the volume and take calls with nothing more than hand gestures. If you're having trouble getting laid, buy one of these.”
“The saying that ‘you cannot really choose who you fall in love with’ has never been more true. I want to stab myself for falling for this hot hatch. The qualities that it possesses are, with a hand in my heart, everything that I love about driving.”
“It possesses all that I love about the 3-door Cooper, but with limitless versatility. It is easily the second best car that the brand sells today, because its range of capabilities are vast. It’s a bit grown up, but it’s still got the psychedelic LSD funk that I love about the MINI brand.”
"The Levante has a mild-mannered engine, which I liken to a classical music concert. When you’re seated and enjoying the show, only those that really know are aware of the destructive power that lays beneath the gentle symphony serenading your ears."
"Anyone who will spend a decent amount of money on a sporty SUV does not want a sporty ride. They want something that irons out the bumps and not their teeth. It's a good thing that this Lexus rides on 100% full cream butter."
"It builds speed in an unbelievable manner that your senses disconnect from the rate at which things in front approach you. It's a stark contrast to the way a GT-R delivers its power, which is pretty much like getting kicked in the face."
"There are few automobiles with the exception of sports cars that will make you come up with silly excuses just to go for another drive. The Macan is one of those, and I’m only talking about the base model."
"The old CR-V was a blank piece of paper that you can leave laying in your desk for months. It is so much of a non-entity it becomes invisible over time. It isn’t bothersome enough to throw in the trash bin, neither is it interesting enough to simply pick up. This new one however, is a completely different story."
“There is a heightened sense of ecstasy when natural sunlight peeks through the glass roof of your climate controlled cabin while your arse is being cooled down by ventilated seats. Life is good inside the Explorer.”
"Yes, it’s Japanese and it is not a Toyota Prado that can climb rocks and go deeper into the woods than you really should, but no SUV with the same seating capacity will drive and perform as well as this, unless you are talking about the likes of a BMW X5 - which is more than double the price."
"I assume that this is a Korean party trick for those whose wives haven’t allowed them to buy a coupé. The left side is for dad and the right side is for the wife and kids. If you have OCD, this car will drive you to the brink of insanity."
“It’s like finally having dinner with a lady you’ve admired for years. As the night goes on, you see angles of her face that you’ve never seen before, an insatiable laughter you can't get enough of, and a sense of humor that you never knew existed. She frowns, she squints, she smiles, and then she speaks. Lovely.”
"400 horsepower used to sound like a lot, but in a world where your grandfather’s luxury barge can be pushing 600 - it barely raises any eyebrows. Can this Lotus still make it in a world of horsepower trump cards?"
"The Volkswagen Golf GTS was intended for the North American market, but they've had no takers after the 'Dieselgate' scandal. The brilliant idea is to send it over to the Philippines, a country that doesn’t give a shit about trust ratings. We’ve been getting raped by our government since God spoke to Moses on the mountain. We sure as hell will not let a great car get in the way of some passé emission scandal. And what a car it is."