"The new BMW 5 Series, especially in M Sport bling, feels like you’ve gone for an evening swim alone in Balesin and then a tipsy Jessica Alba appears out of nowhere and skinny dips with you. It's a jackpot and a half — the return of Sheer Driving Pleasure."
“The most enthralling experience of all is that of being completely detached from the outside world. It’s the kind of car that forces you to drive a touch more calmly. I am certain that my heart rate was lower than those beside me in traffic.”
“The 3008 feels as if every single part that was put into it was made with the knowledge that it had to co-exist with other parts, and therefore all of them work in perfect harmony with each other — like a swinger party.”
“Apparently, a tire blowout is listed as one of the biggest fears of highway drivers. They say that the lower your speed, the higher the chances of survival. A blowout at 60 km/h will be far less catastrophic than one at 150 km/h. More importantly, walking away from it at those speeds is considered a gift from God - one that I so gladly received.”
“If you were given thirty seconds to plot an escape destination in the nav system in exchange for your freedom - you wouldn’t make it. You wouldn’t even if they gave you two hours to do it. However, if you put your foot down, it won’t take ten seconds for your captors to beg for freedom.”
“I’ve never impressed more people with a stationary Bimmer than I have, this one. I could control the volume and take calls with nothing more than hand gestures. If you're having trouble getting laid, buy one of these.”
“The saying that ‘you cannot really choose who you fall in love with’ has never been more true. I want to stab myself for falling for this hot hatch. The qualities that it possesses are, with a hand in my heart, everything that I love about driving.”
“It possesses all that I love about the 3-door Cooper, but with limitless versatility. It is easily the second best car that the brand sells today, because its range of capabilities are vast. It’s a bit grown up, but it’s still got the psychedelic LSD funk that I love about the MINI brand.”
"The Levante has a mild-mannered engine, which I liken to a classical music concert. When you’re seated and enjoying the show, only those that really know are aware of the destructive power that lays beneath the gentle symphony serenading your ears."
"Anyone who will spend a decent amount of money on a sporty SUV does not want a sporty ride. They want something that irons out the bumps and not their teeth. It's a good thing that this Lexus rides on 100% full cream butter."
"It builds speed in an unbelievable manner that your senses disconnect from the rate at which things in front approach you. It's a stark contrast to the way a GT-R delivers its power, which is pretty much like getting kicked in the face."
"There are few automobiles with the exception of sports cars that will make you come up with silly excuses just to go for another drive. The Macan is one of those, and I’m only talking about the base model."
"The old CR-V was a blank piece of paper that you can leave laying in your desk for months. It is so much of a non-entity it becomes invisible over time. It isn’t bothersome enough to throw in the trash bin, neither is it interesting enough to simply pick up. This new one however, is a completely different story."
“There is a heightened sense of ecstasy when natural sunlight peeks through the glass roof of your climate controlled cabin while your arse is being cooled down by ventilated seats. Life is good inside the Explorer.”
"Yes, it’s Japanese and it is not a Toyota Prado that can climb rocks and go deeper into the woods than you really should, but no SUV with the same seating capacity will drive and perform as well as this, unless you are talking about the likes of a BMW X5 - which is more than double the price."
"I assume that this is a Korean party trick for those whose wives haven’t allowed them to buy a coupé. The left side is for dad and the right side is for the wife and kids. If you have OCD, this car will drive you to the brink of insanity."
“It’s like finally having dinner with a lady you’ve admired for years. As the night goes on, you see angles of her face that you’ve never seen before, an insatiable laughter you can't get enough of, and a sense of humor that you never knew existed. She frowns, she squints, she smiles, and then she speaks. Lovely.”
"400 horsepower used to sound like a lot, but in a world where your grandfather’s luxury barge can be pushing 600 - it barely raises any eyebrows. Can this Lotus still make it in a world of horsepower trump cards?"
"The Volkswagen Golf GTS was intended for the North American market, but they've had no takers after the 'Dieselgate' scandal. The brilliant idea is to send it over to the Philippines, a country that doesn’t give a shit about trust ratings. We’ve been getting raped by our government since God spoke to Moses on the mountain. We sure as hell will not let a great car get in the way of some passé emission scandal. And what a car it is."
"Most that will drive this in Manila are either 55 year old executives or their 20 year old girlfriends, neither of which will appreciate an AMG-tuned sport suspension - so turn off Marvin Gaye, keep your pants zipped, put your hands on the wheel and bury the throttle."
"I already know what you’re thinking. There’s a leap in price when you swap the Toyota badge for the Lexus, a full 2,788,000 Philippine Pesos to be exact. Let’s see, you could buy a Lexus IS 350 with that and still walk away with some change, but I think you’d be missing the point.
"BMW knows how to tease with this entry to luxury. Besides, it is sitting on 18-inch alloy wheels, a generous serving of wood trim, and some beautiful adaptive LED headlights. You can hardly call it a tease."
"When it slid its way into the world 20 years ago, Mercedes’ little A-Class was easily the most appalling car in the history of the world. It looked like an eco box designed by the Greenpeace. Today, it looks it is fueled by Grey Goose Vodka and Red Bull. It is absolutely on point."
"Two decades ago, when you talked about Porsche, you were most certainly talking about a 911. Likewise, when you spoke about MINI, you would've been referring to the iconic 3-door hot hatch. So what in heaven's name is a Clubman?"
"Porsche now makes something other than a 911 and Mercedes-Benz can now take corners without falling into a ditch. The space that BMW used to solely fill as the luxury benchmark in driving dynamics is now under threat from its rivals, or is it?"
"The car is painted in the same color as a five-year old child's regurgitated Jolly Spaghetti. However, it is fast and it makes the same noise that Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie would if they were stuck inside a balikbayan box."